


Well Shit.

by ArtWarrior



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, and cheesiness, much fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtWarrior/pseuds/ArtWarrior
Summary: New Teams are formed of the best of the best mercenaries when RED clashes with BLU! However among them is a particular sniper and particular spy.The sniper didn't expect the spy to be so handsome. Or suave. And the Spy certainly didn't expect this repulsive filthy bushman to be so endearing and kind. And maybe sort of kind of handsome. Just a little.And the two of them DEFINANTLY didn't think that either of them would be thinking about kissing or holding hands or calling each other pets names with someone on the other team. Or maybe somewhat kind of having feelings for the other. No not at all.Oh who are they kidding? They'd probably tell the other how they felt first chance they got if they didn't think it'd effect their job. The other has them wrapped around his finger, and doesn't even know it!...Well, shit.





	1. Introductions, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhhh boy. Where do i begin?? WELL HELLO THERE! If you're reading this, then that means that either 1) You're looking for some Sniperspy because you're trash like the rest of us, in which case: CONGRATS! :D You've found it! :D or 2) You're seriously lost, and are planning to write me a 10 paged letter essay on why its fan-girls like me that ruin the game, and fandom, in which case, I say, SCRAM! Ya'll ain't welcome here.
> 
> But in all seriousness, this is my first time writing fan fiction in like, what? 4 years? when I was incredibly young, and I just, idk. Be gentle? Please? It took a lot of convincing of myself to write this, and I just, ahhhhhhhh. So, if you cringe while reading this, or have to click away, then...well, I don't blame you, but I hope at least 1 of you ends up enjoying it <3

The bushman had never really been one for people. Well, that’s not to say he didn’t like them. He got along with them just fine. He just preferred being on his own, was all. So, this little routine his new team had wanted to do wasn’t exactly his cup of tea. He had been working for RED for about three years now. And throughout that time, he had been with many different teams with many different people. However, this new team was a permanent setup. Apparently, these were the best of the best, the top of their classes. The Administrator had hand selected each individual on this particular team due to their above average skills in their departments. This was due to 2fort. 2fort was supposedly something that could not afford to be lost. So, the Administrator decided not to take any chances, and selected the best of the best. However, when Sniper had first met his new team, they hadn’t been what he was expecting. Most of them were very loud, and very energetic, and some came across as…well, just plain crazy.

But currently, he was sitting at the dinner table trying to eat and tune out the shouting that was going on around him. The Engineer suggested that they eat dinner together to try and get to know one another. He seemed like the fatherly type, so it had made sense. He had expected one of the louder and crazier ones to disagree with the man, thus starting an argument, thus destroying the idea, thus allowing him to retreat back to his van in silence where he had planned to eat his dinner alone, in peace. However, what he hadn’t expected was the Heavy to agree in a cheerful tone, threating anyone who disagreed. And, again, to his surprise, no one did. In fact, everyone seemed to like the idea, except the Spy, the Scout, and of course, himself. In the end, the Spy had disappeared, nowhere to be seen. The Scout for the first five minutes straight had been complaining about how the Spy skipped dinner when he didn’t get to. This prompted the Demoman to tell the young man to shut up. And, to Sniper’s surprise, the Scout listened. Well, for about another five minutes, anyways. In fact, when he was done pouting, the Scout had joined the conversation with the others, talking about…well, whatever they were talking about. Sniper wasn’t really listening. He was instead thinking about how comfortable it would be inside his van right now, where he’d drift off in a peaceful sleep…

“What about you, partner?” asked the Engineer. The Sniper then looked up, suddenly surprised. He had not been paying attention to the conversation, at all. What so ever.

“Sorry, mate, what’d ya say?” he asked a bit sheepishly. The other man merely smiled at him and repeated himself, smiling.

“I was just askin’ the boys here what they like to do when they’re not on the job.” Sniper looked around, and surely, all thirteen eyes were on him (he assumed the Pyro was looking in his direction…he couldn’t tell).

“Well, I guess, my work really is my life…” he started, a bit embarrassed.

“Whenever I’m not workin’ I’m usually out, and about hunting, and what not.” Sniper’s eyes suddenly found the table very interesting, as he dared not to lift his eyes to meet the other thirteen, and idly scratched the back of his neck.

“Really, now? There’s nothin’ else ya’ll have takin’ a likin’ to?” the Engineer asked trying to coax the other man out of his anti-social shell. Of course there was his art, but it wasn’t really anything that special. He owned one sketchbook, that wasn’t even halfway filled. And most of the pictures inside were of animals he had previously hunted, or came across while hunting. He didn’t think it was worth anything to tell the others about.

“Hm, I mean huntin’ is a hobby, it ain’t exactly workin’ ya know?” The Engineer had suggested trying to make the Sniper feel better about his hobby, and more welcome overall. The Sniper now found the courage to lift his head a bit, embarrassment fading a bit.

“Well, yeah I guess when ya put it like that…” he said grateful for the Engineer’s welcoming attitude.

The other man had then smiled at him, turning his attention towards one of his other teammates. For the rest of the night, Sniper paid attention to the conversation, and found out a bit about each of his teammates, such as Scout having several older brothers, the Engineer’s late wife, and the Heavy’s mother and sisters. It looked like he had been worried about nothing. Sure a lot of his teammates were a bit on the crazy side, but they all seemed nice, overall. It was pleasant having other people to talk to since he and people didn’t exactly click most of the time. Well, not since what happened with Noah.

When he was younger, he had actually been quite fond of people. He was a rather dumb kid, he thought. It had started in middle school when he had started to notice girls and then junior high when he started to notice boys. It had taken a lot of thinking, and calming down when he had fully accepted that he had swung both ways, and had done so by the time he got to his first year of high school. He had dated here, and there, though they were all girls, with the exception of a male. And though it had lasted longer than his other relationships, it had still ended in disappointment. So, the first two years of his high school year followed in the same pattern of messy breakups. Most of his junior year of high school went like this as well. That is, until he met Noah. Noah was a tall, talented, and overall handsome student his age. He fell for him almost immediately upon meeting him, and to his surprise, Noah felt the same.

Telling his parents was something he was not looking forward to (he had kept his past male relationship a secret) but, to his surprise, they had taken it extremely well. His mother had asked him “are you happy?” to which he replied with a quick, yet sincere “yes”, and that was it. His mother didn’t ask any more questions. His father, however, took a little more reassuring. It wasn’t the fact that they were both men that had bothered him. It was all the stereotypes he had heard over the years about “the gays” and how they acted, and what they liked. He did not want his son growing “soft” as he described it. Upon meeting Noah, though, his opinion quickly changed. Noah had told Mr. Mundy that he enjoyed hunting, camping, and writing. Upon hearing that, his father was thoroughly pleased, and not only welcomed Noah, but treated him like a longtime family friend. It was the start of a perfect relationship. While they never did anything in public, in private, they were rather intimate with one another physically, and verbally. Most nights, after heated kisses, followed deep conversations about their future, which they both often implied they wanted to spend with each other. They would be together for three years when Noah would receive the news.

He didn’t know how he’d feel when he found out that his boyfriend had cancer. Was he supposed to feel angry? Helpless? Numb? He knew that whatever he was feeling, he knew it had to be a negative emotion. At first it wasn’t anything, but shock, which was very soon followed by denial. But after a while, he soon realized just what was happening, and he couldn’t feel anything much besides sadness for a long time. For the next six months, Noah started to frequently go to the hospital more and more. At one point, it became so bad, he had to stay there. And just as soon as nobody thought it could any worse, the doctors told him that he wasn’t going to make it. Then, he had felt the shock, then the denial, then the over whelming sadness that soon followed after all over again. Noah only had a little bit of time left, and he had spent most of it with his boyfriend. They would see each other every day telling one another how much they loved each other, and such. The young soon-to-be Sniper could remember that on that last day, he had gotten that gut aching feeling when something bad was going to happen. So, he had told his boyfriend “I love you” as many times he could in between the conversations. And, most of the time those gut feelings were right and this time was no exception. Because the next day, the doctor that had been taking care of his boyfriend had told him that he was gone.

He didn’t go out of the house much after that. He would spend the days moping, laying on his bed, and trying to distract himself from the thoughts of his late boyfriend. The only times he would ever come out of this small one bedroom apartment would be to work, buy groceries, and visit his parents when they needed something. Noah was constantly on his mind, and as much as he wanted the sadness to go away, he couldn’t forget about his first (and possibly last) love. So instead, he didn’t do much besides mope in his apartment. This went on for a year. It took a year, his parents (mostly his mother), and a lot of grieving, to accept that while he didn’t have to forget Noah, he would have to eventually move on. It took another three years for him to give into his parents’ requests and try dating again. He tried, he honest to goodness did try, but he didn’t take an interest to anyone it seemed, man or woman. He often kept himself occupied by hunting, and did this as a distraction from mourning over Noah’s death. Since he thought about Noah a lot, this meant that he went hunting a lot as well, and soon developed a talent for it. It wasn’t long after that that he had been offered his first job as an assassin.

At first, he was reluctant. They had wanted him to shoot a person, for God’s sake! But after looking at the amount of money that had been offered to him, he (reluctantly) accepted. He had to admit that the pay at his current job wasn’t that great, so, he took the offer. However, when he was actually there, sitting on a crate in an abandoned building sniper rifle, in hand, finger on the trigger, did his hands begin to shake a bit. He could see his target through his scope, and that only made him feel queasier than he already was. This was a person with a life, a possible family, and possible hopes and dreams. He tried giving himself a pep talk, and thought to himself: This must be a bad guy. He had to be. Why else would someone be paying you to kill them? So, he pulled the trigger. He didn’t sleep well for the next few nights, and for once, there was a thought that constantly clouded his mind besides Noah. It wasn’t until a week later that he had gotten his second offer for a similar job did he really begin to stop questioning his actions. Soon a job a month turned into three jobs per month, and soon three per month turned into six per month, and six per month turned into twice per week. It wasn’t long after he had been doing shady jobs from various customers that he had been offered a job at RED, which he had accepted (the pay was incredible after all). So, thus, began his first year out of three working with RED.

He supposes it could’ve been a lot worse. After looking at all his teammates currently sitting at the table, laughing, and eating he supposes that he might be able to get used to this.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ 

...

THIS was the best that BLU had to offer? They had to be joking. He looked around, only to be filled with disappointment as his eyes landed on each of his new teammates. He didn’t know where to start if he was going to complain. They were all LOUD, they were all ARROGANT, they were all VULGAR, they were all ANNOYING. Sure, he might have fit the description of the arrogant part, but that was because he was actually GOOD at his job! “Mon Dieu” he mumbled to himself, as he took out a cigarette. He looked around and his eyes landed on his team’s Scout who was currently making some sort of crude remark about a past teammate he had previously worked with to the team Pyro, who wasn’t really listening, but rather playing with a match they had in their hand. His eyes landed on the team’s Heavy and Medic who were idly chatting about something, and then to the team’s Solider and Demoman who both had respective bottles of alcohol in their hands. Lastly, his eyes landed on the team’s Sniper and Engineer who were discussing something on their own. His eyes narrowed at the two. He hated Engineers and Snipers.

He hated Engineers due to sometimes being able to stop him from sapping their precious toys, and how’d they always seem to taunt him after every single kill they got on him. As for Snipers, he wasn’t sure what is was, but something just seemed to tick him off. He was pretty sure it was their cocky grins they had after they had made a headshot, or how they seemed to taunt after every single kill they got, not just on him. Maybe that was why he found himself coming back to backstab them at least once a match. It’d be different every time too. No mercenary (even if they were of the same class) was the same: everyone had a different face, different voice, and different height- so of course that meant a different fighting tactic as well. He had faced numerous Snipers in hand to hand combat, and so far had only met about two or three that had managed to only somewhat take him by surprise the first time. He knew this time, however, he’d have to get used to fighting the same Sniper for quite some time. He’d imagined that’d get boring very fast.

He proceeded to walk out of the room, and light a cigarette while mumbling to himself. He hated just about everything about Team Fortress Industries...he hated his employers, his co-workers, and of course, his enemies. The only thing he didn't hate was his job, and by that, he meant what he got to on a daily basis. This included sapping Engineer's buildings, and getting to see the looks on their faces before he mercilessly back stabbed them moments later. Or times right before a Medic popped an über charge with their Heavy or Solider (or occasionally Demo) in tow and piercing his knife right into the center of their back. He especially lived for the moments when he placed a bullet through the center of a Sniper's head with his ambassador after sneaking up on them. He used this method of killing for when a Sniper would wear a darwin's danger shield or a razorback in an awful attempt to prevent them from being killed by him. That and, he thought it was only fair that Snipers should also experience what it was like having a bullet lodged into their skull when they least expected it to. The money was really only a lovely side bonus.

What he really stayed for was the thrill of the kill, and deceiving an imbecile on the enemy team. It was a thrill that one could only experience when they knew they could be killed at any moment. Knowing that respawn could easily bring them all safely back to one piece might've killed a bit of the thrill, sure, but he knew this was most likely the closest he was going to get to experience this thrill more often than he would if he had any other job as any other hired killer. He ponders for a moment and remembers his younger self, when he was a bit kinder and optimistic, and wonders what his younger self would think of him now. If he remembered correctly, he didn’t recall ever having a fascination with spies or wanting to be one when he was a child at all. If he remembers correctly, he actually wanted to be a teacher. Where had that all changed?

…

Ah yes. Now he remembers.

Memories of childhood bullies, teasing, naming calling, and physical aggression all come flooding back to him. One memory in particular, actually…

He remembers it very clearly, yes. He couldn’t have been older than ten years old at the time, when he had formed a little crush on one of the boys in his class. The boy’s named was Christopher, and he was one of the more athletic kids, and was quite handsome for such a young age, with his light blonde hair, and blue eyes. The young soon-to-be Spy, had laid eyes on him, and immediately become flustered with the thoughts of…what? Despite being the Spy, he still was only ten years old at the time, and the mere thought of holding hands with the boy was enough to make him catch butterflies in his stomach. So, he had decided the next day, he would tell Christopher how he felt. He recalled gathering flowers from around the school’s playground and slipping a note (not signed of course) in the boy’s lunch when he wasn’t looking, telling him to come and meet him, alone, behind the school building.

There is was, sitting on the ground flowers in hand waiting for his crush to come along, and beginning to regret his decision. However, a second later, there the same boy that had currently occupied his thoughts had just rounded the corner, and looked surprised to see another school-boy about his age sitting and waiting. Had he been expecting a girl? “No matter” the young Spy-to –be thought. Of course he was superior in every way to any girl, and, after mustering up some courage, was determined to make Christopher see that too. However after the future mercenary had explained himself to the other young boy, and was about to present him with the flowers he had picked, he suddenly felt a sharp pain on his left cheek. At first he wasn’t sure what had happened, and tried stand up again (the shock and pain had knocked him to his feet) only to be met with a kick to the stomach. His brain had finally registered that the boy above him was not happy with his confession in the slightest, and decided that the physical approach was the best approach to the situation. “What’s wrong with you?” Christopher asked him, in a disgusted, but genuinely curious tone. “What?” the future mercenary asked in confusion. The other boy only glared above him as he replied “Boys aren’t supposed to like other boys like that…that’s not allowed. So what’s wrong with you? Are you broken or something?” Broken? No, no he wasn’t broken. Well in a way, he supposed he was after the encounter (not due to what the other boy had said, but rather, he felt broken). But the thought that boys couldn’t like other boys didn’t even occur to him. “You like boys in a way you shouldn’t, so there must be something wrong with you.” The other schoolboy continued.

While his feelings for the other school boy were still lingering, he was not about to stand there after he had been abused and continued being insulted. He was, in fact, still that future Spy who argued with teammates from dusk til dawn every day. He managed a more composed look as he stood up, straightened his school uniform, and responded “There is nothing wrong with me.” “Non? Then why were you about to treat me like a girl, and give me flowers? Only boys who are born wrong do that.” The other boy replied. The young soon-to-be Spy had managed a strained smile to appear on his face as he tried to say “Perhaps you misunderstood my feelings-“ but only to be cut off with a hand covering his mouth. “I don’t misunderstand anything. I get it now. You’re a freak. Don’t ever talk to me or anyone else for that matter ever again. You’ll only weird them out, get it?” The other school boy had ended to conversation by pushing the young soon-to-be Spy's head, for his hand was still covering his mouth, and walking away. The force of the push had, again, knocked him to his feet, as he stared in the direction the other boy had gone, wide eyed, and confused. It took all of his strength not to cry, and to his success, he didn’t. Although he was extremely bitter afterwards.

If you had asked what had made the Spy so bitter towards life and people in general, he’d recall this very memory. However, if you had asked what had made the Spy so good at betrayal, deception, and suaveness, he’d recall something else. A week later, after his encounter with Christopher, he had been sitting on the ground reading, when he heard one of other young boys talking about Christopher, and his crush on a girl who went to the school just next to theirs. The only thing separating the two schools was a fence. The young future mercenary had recalled seeing the young blonde talking to a young girl through the fence a few times. The memory only made him more bitter. As he looked over to the fence in question, what did he see but low, and behold Christopher talking with a girl. Except this time, he got a much better look at her. She was very pretty, and could understand why he was infatuated with her, but again, this only fueled his bitterness.

If you had asked him why he did it, he probably couldn’t give you a clear answer, and just chalk it up to instinct and pure bitterness. He had carefully closed his book, and placed it in his bag as he walked up to the pair talking between the fence. “Bonjour” he said plainly as he smiled at the two. The two of them had stared at him in shocked. But soon the shock disappeared on the other boy’s face as it was replaced with anger and disgust as he simply walked away without saying a word. However, for the girl, she soon smiled back at him and replied with a friendly “Bonjour” of her own. For the next five days, they talked with one another between the fence about books, their favorite foods, places, and just about anything else. On the sixth day, however, Christopher had become tired of waiting for the young Spy-to-be to stop talking with his crush, and simply asked him to leave the two alone. The future mercenary did as he was told, but not before placing a kiss on the young girl’s cheek through one of the holes of the fence. He left as quickly as he could before Christopher could become angry, and possibly hurt him, but did see the girl’s cheeks turn slightly pink. However, not five minutes after he had left went by when Christopher had angrily stormed off into the school building. When he looked back, the girl was gone as well. He had asked another boy who was on his way back to the building what had happened. The other boy had simply said that the girl had asked where the future mercenary had gone, and if he would be coming back.

He recalls Christopher having several more crushes on other girls throughout the school year, and every time charming them, befriending them and seducing them (being as seductive as a ten year old boy could be). He recalls putting this skill into practice in later school years on girls weather it was because of a boy who had liked them, or because he wanted them to do something for him. Along the way, he had picked up the habit of stealing, and lying, and did it extremely well. It wasn’t long after that he had been offered his first job. He wasn’t even done with school yet. They had wanted him to steal money from a man who had gone back on his word from a previous job. They stated that the man would be visiting France in about a week or two for another shady job. They told him to use violence if necessary. Armed with nothing more than a pistol and a butterfly knife, the young Spy-to-be had gone into the house his target was currently staying in and began looking for the currency. It didn’t take him any longer than six minutes to find it. Congratulating himself on his success, he pocketed the money, and was about to exit, until he heard footsteps approaching the front door. Panic ensued and he quickly hid underneath a table that was covered with a very long table cloth. However, the table cloth was short just enough to reveal a man’s feet as he walked through the living room. “What the-“ he heard the man begin, only to finish his questioning sentence with a frustrated groan. More footsteps were heard, but soon stopped a short way as he heard the cock of a –aw merde, was that a gun?

“Come on out!” the man said, his tone not playful in the slightest. “I know you’re still here!” As the young Spy-to-be began to panic, he debated getting out his own gun. “I’m gonna give you ‘til the count of three to get your no good sneaking ass out here, until I start lookin’. Maybe then I won’t shoot your head off…one!” Oh no. He was counting down. What was the future mercenary going to do? He had never been in a situation like this before!

“Two!”

He had never even hurt someone over something he had stolen, let alone killed them! He didn’t think weapons were even necessary when they had given them to him, he’d never thought he’d need to use them! Suddenly, he saw the man’s heels facing towards him which meant he was facing away from the future mercenary…with hesitation, he pulled out his own gun, and loaded it as silently as he could. As soon as he was done, he heard the man shout “Three!”

Sliding out from under the table, the soon-to-be Spy quickly pulled the trigger and rolled behind a large chair for cover. He heard the other man yell "Shit!" as he covered his shoulder. Getting a better look behind the chair, he saw that he had shot the man in the shoulder in question. Not wanting to give the man time to react, he slid again out from behind his cover, and shot the man again, this time sliding behind him in the process. Hearing another scream from the man, the future mercenary turned to see that the man was facing away from him, and that he successfully shot his side. Without even thinking, the soon-to-be Spy pulled out his butterfly knife, and stabbed the man-right in the center of his back. He didn’t even realize he had done it until the man flopped down to the floor lifeless, next to his gun. He looked at the man’s lifeless body before gathering himself and his items, and sneaking out of the house. He told his employers what had happened (in an extremely nervous panic), to which they congratulated him on. If he was going to be honest, he wasn’t feeling nervous because he was guilty, but rather because he wouldn’t know what to do if he was caught murdering another man. However, he never was.

A month later he was offered another job. He didn’t take it right away when he heard that might have to kill if necessary. However, he stupidly did take the job after telling himself that everything would turn out fine, and he probably wouldn’t have to kill someone again. How he hated when he was wrong. Not only did he end up having to kill his target, but his target’s wife as well. They were both found by the authorities the next day the same way: faced down with knifes in the center of their backs. Again, he had gotten away. It was only two more jobs, and three dead targets later, when he saw the morning paper, and its headline: “Mad Killer on the Loose!” he didn’t think much of it, until he read part of the article that stated that the killer’s signature was killing his victims with a knife in the center of their backs, and that they had died immediately after.

He began to panic. This was not supposed to happen. Was he going to get caught? Was he going to go to jail? Aw, merde, he was going to jail wasn’t he? However he never did go to jail and he never was caught. He continued to do many jobs from various customers throughout the years, until one day when he received something in the mail. It was another job offer, from a company called…”BLU”? He read the details, and discovered that the company had wanted him to do mercenary work. He was going to decline when he saw just how LONG they wanted him to do it for…that is until he saw the pay. It was incredible to say the least.

When he arrived, he, along with many other spies who were selected went through training. Each one of them were taken to the side individually, in private where they were taken to talk with a young woman. While she was polite, she rushed each man and looked stressed as she briefed each spy on what he was to do. When it was his turn, she explained what his watch, disguise kit, and sapper did and gave him pointers on where to aim with his gun. Then came the butterfly knife.

“This is your main weapon.” She began “Try using your disguise kit to trick enemies and then use this to kill them if you can. Use your gun if necessary though. Now, according to our results, we’ve found it best when using your knife to aim for the-“

“-center of the back, non?”

She looked at him puzzled, wondering how he could’ve known this (all the spies were taken into a room in private, so he couldn’t have over heard her tell a previous spy). Her eyes went wide realizing just who he was, but her face then relaxed into an amused smile.

“They never caught you, did they?”

A smile grew on his face as he said “Non. No sorry excuse for an officer ever did figure it out. Now, Mademoiselle Pauling, I must be on my way, non? We spies are on a tight schedule, are we not?”

Using his watch for the first time, he pressed a button, and slowly turned into air and walked away.

Now looking at all his teammates chatting away with one another, he began to regret his decision a bit. Absolutely none of these imbeciles could relate to him, or his level of intelligence. Taking his cigarette out of his mouth, he flicked it to the ground and put it out with his foot as he walked out of the room. This was going to be a long contract.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual Sniperspy biz doesn't start until the next chapter, but I had to get backstory and all that biz out of the way. That way, we can move on to CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! :D Also don't worry, Noah isn't really gonna be coming back as a future character where Sniper is all like "but Noah! Oh Noah! I can't forget Noah!!!!111!!" Because I friggin hate that, and if you're like me, you get triggered when you hear the words "Original Character". Same goes for Spy and that Christopher asshole. Also, SPY AND SCOUT ARE NOT RELATED IN THIS AU. Spy is purely into dick ._.
> 
> ALSO! Would anyone be interested in proof-reading/ giving me suggestions?? You don't have to, and up until now, it's just been me re-reading the chapter like 50 freaking times :T More chapters will be on the way, but I am in fact going to go at my own pace with this, so it may take awhile. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! <3


	2. Introductions, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stars in this chapter, kiddos.

The Sniper looked throughout the room to reveal many different types of weapons and…hats? That lovely woman, Ms. Pauling he believed her name was, had told them that since they were the top team, that they now had access to all the cosmetics. When Sniper first heard the news he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. He had used cosmetics before when he was on other teams. However at the time, what he could use was limited to defense only. He looked about the room again to reveal his many, many, MANY options. He was overwhelmed to say the least. There was an entire room dedicated to cosmetics and weapons that were exclusive to his class! He looked about the room and figured it was best to start with weapons first. It made the most sense after all. He looked about all the different guns, knives, and other weapons hung about the wall, and immediately felt overwhelmed all over again. After thinking it over, he just decided to keep his regular sniper rifle. Best to keep it simple he supposed. He then looked about the secondary weapon choices and decided that defense was probably the best way to go. Very carefully he had taken the “Razorback” off the wall, and set it down by the door for when he was done. It had helped it many times in the past from Spies and their painful backstabs. He knows he’ll be going up against BLU’s own very best Spy, so he wasn’t going to take any chances. Not wanting to go through the picking process all over again for his melee weapon, he decided to just keep his kukri. He was about to leave when he noticed all the different hats hanging off the wall.

“Ah…what the bloody hell!” He said to himself as he proceeded to walk towards them all. He knew he had a bit of time before the match began. Again he had so many options, and wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to wear one. That is until he saw one that he thought looked pretty cool. Stepping forward, he examined a hood that was labeled “Anger”. Picking it up, he carefully tried it on, and looked at himself in a mirror that was hung nearby on the wall. The Sniper had never been one for adding his own personal touch to something, but this was one of the few instances he’d make an exception for. The hood had covered his whole head, and mouth, leaving only his upper face uncovered, which would later change when he’d put on his sunglasses. He was about to leave the room a second time when he could have sworn he heard a faint noise in the back corner of the room. Looking back to where the noise came from, he carefully approached it, kukri in hand. The noises had grown louder, and almost sounded like- what the hell, was that “hooting”?! He carefully removed a few boxes that were blocking the back corner only to reveal an owl. A bloody owl.

The Sniper knew that when working for Team Fortress Industries, you were guaranteed to see or experience some odd things. However, he went over every possible reason as to why the hell there would be a God damn bloody freaking owl in the middle a war, and what possible use an owl would have, and found no uses to what it would serve. What so ever. The creature at this point had noticed the tall man, and looked at him with big curious eyes.  
  
“Hoot” it said to him. The Sniper gave a kinder look when laying eyes on the creature and replied  
  
“Good day, mate. I don’t suppose ya know why yer here do ya?”  


The owl seemed to look at him with a harsher glare this time as it replied with a more aggressive “Hoot…” The Sniper looked taken aback for a moment before deciding to say 

“Ah I get it. Yer not a mate, yer a Sheila, aren’t ya? My mistake.” The owl’s glare seemed to soften as it responded with a friendlier “Hoot”. The Sniper (though not visible due to his cosmetic) smiled softly as he took the creature out of her cage, and placed her on his shoulder.

“Well now, that’s no way to treat a lady” he said gesturing to the small cage. The owl seemed to agree as she nuzzled his hood.

“How about I take you back to my camper, that way you have a bit more space to roam, hm?” he suggested as he stroked her feathers with his finger. “Hoot” she said lovingly.

Finally walking out of the room, grabbing his weapons along the way, he started to head towards his camper but ended running into the Scout. The young man took one look at his teammate and proceeded to laugh.

“What in da hell are ya wearin’ Snipes?!” The Scout asked laughing and covering his stomach. ‘Snipes’? Since when did the kid start calling him that? Or was that just what he had called all the Snipers he had worked with previously? The Sniper only glared at the Scout as he replied

“None of your bloody business, ya little hoolagin.” The owl seemed to join him in his displeasure as she (seemed to be) glaring at the younger mercenary. However the Scout only continued to laugh as he said 

“Oh man, Snipes! Yer tryin’ way too hard ta look cool…and dat’s comin’ from a Scout!” The Sniper had seriously considered using the kukri in his hand on the Scout, but the thought was interrupted when the Scout said

“And dat rat on yer shoulder sure ain’t helpin’ yer case!” And then suddenly the mercenary’s laughter had turned into screaming as the owl that was previously on the Sniper’s shoulder had proceeded to attack the Scout. Sniper didn’t think a Scout could run any faster, but apparently it was possible. He also caught a few glimpses of the deep cuts that were now all over the Scout’s body. The owl then returned to the Sniper’s shoulder and gave him an innocent “Hoot?” as she looked at him with big innocent eyes. The Sniper smiled at the owl as he stoked her gently and said to her

“I think you and I are going to get along just fine.” He then proceeded to walk towards his camper.

 ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Spy’s cigarette had literally dropped out of his mouth when he saw the sight in front of him. Mon Dieu, he had never seen so many weapon choices in all his time working for BLU! There were many different types of guns, knives, sappers, watches, and for some reason hats, strewn about the wall! He almost didn’t know where to begin. However, his favorite part of being a Spy was the literal and figurative backstabbing. Why not start out with a weapon that would help him with his pride and joy? He proceeded to walk towards the selection of knives that hung about the wall. He looked at them all very carefully and analyzed them all in detail. He read all their descriptions very carefully…”Absorbs health of enemy”, “Disguise as enemy you backstabbed”, “Gain thirty percent cloak on a kill”…he was about to select the knife labeled “Kunai” when he noticed that the knife count was 4/5 (this included his default knife). He was about to look about the room when he noticed- was that a freezer? He slowly approached it, and opened it. Inside was a loan knife. Well, technically it was an icicle, but the knife count was in fact reading it as a knife. He read the description, and it read “Turns victims into ice; immune to fire and after burn for eleven seconds when caught on fire”. “Turn your victims into ice?”, “Immune to fire and after burn for eleven seconds?” He didn’t even need to think about any other options as he set it back into the freezer, and made a mental note it pick it up on his way out (he did not want his weapon melting before he could use it after all). Most spies played it safe, and of course did not want any attention drawn to themselves. However he was not like most spies. He was BLU’s very best spy. He was the type of person to flaunt victory in the enemy’s face, and then be quickly on his way and out of sight before caught. This knife practically had his name on it. And he’d also be temporarily immune to the RED Pyro’s fire? He couldn’t think of a better bonus.

Next came the sappers. However, as the Spy looked about his options, none of them looked very appealing. Two of the options didn’t function any differently to his current sapper with the only differences being that one sapper provided “one-sided conversations while you’re trying to work”…? And the other had…was that bread? He’s pretty sure that was bread attached to a sapper. At least he hoped so...he had to remind consistently remind himself that when one worked for Team Fortress Industries, you’d be exposed to some strange things. Frankly he didn’t want to know what the description meant by “one-sided conversations” and what the hell bread was doing on a sapper, and honestly if it didn’t have an upgrade, then he didn’t care, and didn’t want to dwell on it. The only sapper that looked somewhat appealing was labeled “Tape-Recorder”. He read the description, and found that the sapper reversed the engineer’s building process…well, that sounded interesting. His hand lingered near the sapper for a moment before deciding to pull away. This was his first match against RED’s best. He decided he wasn’t going to take any chances in case he didn’t end up liking how the sapper worked, and ended up staying with his default one. However he knew he’d be back to try it out another time.

Next were the guns, however there were so many choices, the Spy decided that perhaps another day was better to analyze them all. The match was to start in a few hours, and he did not want to spend all of his time picking out weapons. He also figured that it was safer to stick with his current weapon due to already being familiar with its abilities. So all that left was the watches. Again, most of the watches seemed to have no upgrade, so these were the ones he decided to pass. Two did catch his attention however. From what he was able to understand from the description of the first one, it was able to recharge its cloak meter as long as the wearer was standing still. While it sounded promising, it was very risky. He knew Pyros ran Spy checks very regularly, so if he was standing still in the wrong place at the wrong time, he’d basically be toast…quite literally. However, it did sound interesting, so he knew he’d be back. As he approached the next watch, he stopped in his tracks as he got a better look at it. It was beautiful! It was gold, and elegant, and fancy…just like him! He admits that compliment sounded extremely less conceded in his head, and that yes, he wasn’t gold, but that wasn’t the point right now. He looked at the description of the watch and discovered that while the watch took away one’s ability to cloak, it also granted a speed boost and seven second invisibility when the user was injured. Zero doubts crossed his mind as he picked up the pocket watch, and tucked it inside his blazer. He stopped by the freezer again, picked up his knife, and then walked out the door eagerly awaiting the first match to begin.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Mission begins in sixty seconds.”

The familiar voice over the speakers caught the bushman’s attention as he looked around the respawn room at the faces of his teammates. Most of them were very relaxed and calm and some of them looked even excited. He wished he felt that way at the moment, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to happen. Not something necessarily bad per say, but just…something. It was probably that damn owl he left in his camper. As cute as she was, she was probably going to make a bloody mess in there. He sighed, but then felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to look in the direction it had come from.

“Hey…don’t fret, Slim.” The Engineer said to the Sniper. Had he been fretting, or looking worried? It must have been extremely obvious considering that what he was wearing covered eighty percent of his face. The last thing he wanted to look like was a worry wart.

“Mission begins in thirty seconds.”

“Did ya hear me?” The Engineer asked again, looking worried himself for his teammate. “I told ya not to worry…you’ll do fine.” The Sniper smiled (though the Engineer couldn’t tell) as he replied

“Thanks Truckie.” The Engineer looked a bit caught off guard and embarrassed at the nick-name, but soon returned the Sniper’s smile as he said

“No prob, partner.”

Truckie was right. He had to focus. He turned his head back to the respawn door. All he had to do was get to the tower. There were various different 2Forts, and he had fought at many of them. Most of them were fairly identical with a few differences here and there. He had no idea as to why this 2Fort in particular was so important that the Administrator had to hand select her best mercenaries. But, as long as she was paying him, he wasn’t going to ask questions. He had a chance to scout ahead a little bit the night before, see what the area looked like, and found that there was a tower that was just beautiful for sniping. It was extremely high up, had one secluded tiny window, and had two doors just in case an enemy who got annoyed with him came up to dispose of him. If he was being honest, he couldn’t wait to show the enemy team what he was made of, despite also being a little nervous.

 ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

He looked about the room and immediately began to feel embarrassed. Not at himself, but for his team for they had all ridiculous hats on their head. Each. And every. ONE OF THEM. That explained as to why there were so many hats in his cosmetics room, but he didn’t dare even touch one. He refused to join in on such a ridiculous thing. “Mon Dieu” he thought to himself, what was the enemy team going to think of them? They’d be laughing stocks. He felt himself reach for another cigarette in his disguise kit, and after lighting it and placing it in his mouth, put a hand up to his face. Something in the back of his head had been bothering him. He felt like something in the match was going to happen. He didn’t what on earth might happen that was stranger than what he saw on a daily basis, but he couldn’t shake that little voice in the back on his head, nagging at him. Knowing his luck, it was most likely going to be something to incapacitate someone on their team for the majority of the match…most likely him. He took a deep breath as he gripped his knife. He needed to focus. If something went wrong, so be it. His job was to backstab, sap sentries, and gather info. If something went wrong on his team, he still had to do his job, no matter what their chances of winning were. He felt his confidence rise up again as he got out his disguise kit. He dared not to look around, for his eyes might land on one of his teammates, and then he might feel embarrassed and hopeless all over again. Just when he was beginning to feel a little confident, too.

“Mission begins in twenty seconds.”

Right. He had to focus. He had a job to do, and no matter how he was feeling, he was going to do it, and he was going to do it well.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Mission begins in ten seconds.”

The Sniper’s hand gripped the strap attached to his rifle as he stared at the respawn door, eagerly.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Five”

The Spy felt his heart beat increase as he adjusted his footing to get a better head start out the door. He was ready to out run the Scout to get the first kill, if he had to.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Four”

The Sniper’s face at this point was inches away from the door, for he was so eager to get to his tower.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Three”

The Spy didn’t realize how eager and nervous he was until he noticed most of his cigarette on the ground, and realized that he had bit down too hard, and that most of it had fallen off.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Two”

The Sniper’s heart rate at this point had doubled, as he bit his lip so hard it slightly began to bleed.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“One!”

While neither of them knew it, both the Sniper and the Spy had the same grin plastered on their faces as they both ran their fastest, and beat even their Scouts out the door.  
  
Of course this didn’t last long, for both the Scouts had caught up to each of them, past them, and then ran into each other. The fight between the two runners didn’t last long, and the RED’s Scout proved to be victorious. However, the Sniper and Spy were occupied with more important things.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Sniper was currently running up the many steps of the tower (one of the few flaws the lovely sniping spot had) but then suddenly came to a stop when he reached the door. He opened the door, and found in the tower a lone crate, a table, two old dusty book shelves, and even a few books strewn about them.  
  
“Alright” he said “let’s get to work”

He set the crate down near the window, took a seat, and began to look about the map.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Spy ran around the corner to avoid the chaos that had broken out. He sighed. Well, so much for first blood. But just as he was going dwell on the matter, he saw the enemy team’s Heavy-Medic duo run past him. He was currently disguised as the enemy Scout (for he was currently dead), when he walked up to the Medic, and placed a lovely bullet in the center of his head with his gun. Seeing no other opponents on the battle field except for the Heavy (who was currently mowing down their team’s Sniper and Pyro), he decided to get out his disguise kit and disguise as none other than the Medic. He slowly approached the Heavy with his knife out, and…

*BANG!*

…what? What the hell? What just…wait, WHAT? He looked at his surroundings and saw that he had in fact woken up in respawn. There was a loud ringing in his ears, which he was currently trying to remedy by rubbing his head. He looked at the death cam to see just who and what had killed him, and was extremely displeased to find that he had been headshot by the RED’s Sniper.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

That was a close one. The Sniper unfortunately couldn’t get the spook before he had killed the Doc (for he at the time was sniping BLU's Engineer), but had noticed that Doc had died recently. Of course he put two and two together when he saw the Medic still behind the Heavy, and that he wasn’t healing him. However, he did manage to save the Heavy’s life, and he knew Doc would be back in a short amount of time right behind his friend (and meat shield, but mostly friend). He readjusted his sitting position, and continued to work.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Spy walked out of the respawn room disguised as the Pyro. This would NOT stand! No filthy repulsive bushman was going to going to ruin the match for him! He figured that the first victim of his new knife should be the one who was going to have to get used to the feeling of it plunging into the center of his back so frequently: The Sniper. He stomped his way towards the enemy’s version of the BLU tower quickly. Everyone (including the RED team) saw that he was angry, and immediately moved out the way. REDs knew that a pissed Pyro meant a seriously deadly Pyro. As for his own team, they didn’t dare ask the Frenchman what was wrong, for they knew he was just as deadly as a pissed off Pyro would be. So, he continued walking until he reached the bottom of the tower’s steps. He then began to walk up them, and changed his disguise to the RED’s Medic.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

Sniper suddenly heard footsteps approaching the right door, and immediately set down his rifle in favor of his kukri.

“Who’s there?” he asked. The door’s handle turned slowly as the Medic stepped in the room. The Sniper put down his Kukri in relief as he replied

“Jesus Doc, you almost gave me a bloody heart attack…what the hell are ya doin’ up here?” The Spy was taken aback at the other man’s accent. Was this man TRYING to butcher the English language with his voice? As surprised as he was, he didn’t show it. He was also disappointed to see that the bushman was wearing a razorback. Merde. He was looking forward to using his knife on the sharpshooter. However he showed none of his disappointment and instead he smiled as he said

“Herr Sniper, I am only here to thank you.”

“Thank me? What did I do?”

“For avenging me after their Spy had kill me. I was afraid he would get meine Heavy as well.”

“Is that all? Doc thank me AFTER the match next time, there’s a bloody war going on down there.” He then picked his rifle up again, turned away from the ‘Medic’, and continued to snipe. He saw the enemy’s Scout in view as the ‘Doctor’ continued to speak.

“Nein. Herr Sniper, I’d only like to give you something…” Very slowly the Spy pulled out his gun and walked slowly behind the sharpshooter. It was at this same moment that the Sniper saw the real Medic in his scope currently healing the team’s Solider.

“…to show my gratitude.” The Spy said whispering in Sniper’s ear. Just before the ‘Medic’ could pull the trigger, the Sniper had grabbed the Spy’s wrist, flipped him towards the window, and kicked him right out of it. He watched the Spy tumble down and land face first in the dirt which caused his disguise to flicker away. Sniper was going to look away, except for some reason…he couldn’t. And for some unexplainable reason, blood began to rush to his face. He pondered this for a moment before deciding to tear his eyes away at the scene, and continue his work.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

This was the SECOND time the Frenchman has woken up in respawn due to that repulsive bushman! He was starting to get frustrated. He decided to blow off some steam by taking it out on the enemy team. Very slowly he walked out of the respawn room, approached the Scout who was busy taunting the BLU’s dead Pyro, got out his knife, and-

*BANG!*

ARE YOU FREAKING-okay. He was fine. He was calm. Okay. Alright. He slowly walked out of the respawn, and saw the enemy team’s own Spy currently looking down at his disguise kit, wondering which disguise to put on. The imbecile. However just as he walked up to him (currently disguised himself as the RED’s Demo) he found that the man had finally picked a disguise and it was none other than him! The nerve! 

“It’s quite fine however”, he thought in his head as he raised his knife. It was just going to make killing him that much sweet-

*BANG!*

…

…This had to be a joke. There was NO WAY this Sniper had gotten that many kills on him without assistance from someone else. He was so desperate to rack up some kills, (for his kill count was only four) that he had seen the RED’s Pyro up ahead and decided to take a chance. However, he didn’t not make even five steps out of the respawn room when all of the sudden…

*BANG!*

He felt the embarrassingly familiar sharp pain, saw the familiar white light, woke up next to the familiar white walls, and head the familiar ringing in his ears. That was it! This was the ABSOLUTE last straw! He carefully flicked his disguise kit open to turn into the RED Pyro, and activated his deadringer. Of course, he was rightfully to do so because he heard the sound of

*BANG!*

…and when he looked back, he saw a rotting rag doll in his place while currently he had temporarily turned invisible, and was sprinting towards the Sniper’s tower. He arrived at the steps of the tower, and began to walk up them.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

He had lost count on how many times he had head shot the Spook. And while he would never admit it, he was pretty sure a few of those shots were purely luck. However, he was getting a bit worried. If there was one thing a lot of Spies had in common, it was their fancy lifestyle, their bitter and cynical outlook on life, and their need for revenge. He was about to stop thinking about the matter when suddenly he heard banging on the door, and immediately grabbed his kukri.

“Yo, come on! Open up, man!”

The Sniper sighed. It was only the damn kid. He opened the door to reveal the RED’s Scout covering his arm in pain.

“Crikey, kid, what happened to ya?” The Sniper asked. The Scout sighed as he said.

“Their freakin’ dumbass Sniper got me in da arm. I was just wondern’ if ya saw Doc anywhere?” It was Sniper’s turn to sigh as he turned away from the Scout to pick up his rifle and then replied

“Last time I saw, Medic was dead. Should’ve repawned by now.”

“Aw geez. Well, thanks again bushman!” The Sniper had literally froze into place for a few moments before he quickly spun around and pinned the ‘Scout’ to the wall by the wrists. The Spy knew he had been caught but he did not flicker away his disguise as he smiled up to the Sniper that was now literally only inches away from his face. The Sniper was a few inches taller than the Spy, which only added to the potential threat that he was.

“Slipped up.” The Sniper began. “Kid usually calls me ‘Snipes’.” The Spy could not see the Sniper’s face (for it was covered by his sunglasses and a large hood; (although still a better fashion choice than what most of his teammates were wearing), but could tell in the low tone that he spoke in that the Sniper was in fact out for blood. The Spy, however, was unfazed by the change of tone as he replied in the Scout’s voice

“Imbecile. Do ya think I wasn’t tryin’ ta get caught?” The Sniper was taken aback by the remark as he asked

“What the bloody hell is wrong with you? Somethin’ not right in your head?” The Spy only smiled as he said

“Non. But dis is so much more entertainin’. And besides, I figured I needed ta pay ya back for all those times ya sent a bullet flyin’ through my head.” The Spy suddenly kicked the Sniper in the leg which was enough to make the bushman release him. He quickly got out his knife, and backstabbed the man’s razorback.

“There we go. Can’t have dat getting’ in da way, can we? Now, where were we?” His hand came down to stab the other man’s back, but suddenly the Sniper turned so that he was facing away from the Spy, and ended up shoving him into the wall with his back. As a result, the Spy ended up stabbing the Sniper in the shoulder.

“GAH! You bloody…” The Sniper shoved the Spy harder into the wall, which momentarily incapacitated the Spy, and allowed the Sniper to grab his kukri across the room. The Spy was still currently dazed from being shoved into a wall, which gave the Sniper the opportunity to pin the Spy again, and plunge his kukri into the other man’s shoulder which caused his disguise to flicker away, and-

…

…Oh. Well. He certainly did not except his to happen at all. His face was inches away, and he currently had pinned down a surprising handsome looking fellow. He felt blood begin to rush to his face as his grip on the other man began to loosen. Well, that explained earlier…  
The Spy's focus returned and he took the opportunity to switch their positions and instead pin the sharpshooter to the wall instead. He was also not helping the Sniper’s position in the slightest as the bushman felt his face heat up triple times the amount it was already before.  
  
“Well, mon ami. It turns out you were nothing special after all.” The Spy began to say. “This is RED’s best? Pathetic. You are nothing special, and I am going to ravish killing you…slowly. That way it’ll be fun for the both of us, non?” When the Sniper said nothing, and only stared in awe at the other’s eyes, face, lips, and just about everything else, but that wasn’t the point, he was getting off track here. When he said nothing and stared at him in awe, the Spy said  
  
“What? Is your small brain not capable of registering what just I said?” The Sniper only stared blankly at the other man with admiring eyes. Becoming frustrated of the Sniper’s lack of response, the Spy released one of his hands on the Sniper’s wrist, and instead used it to press his knife to the other man’s neck. The only thing was that he was having trouble keeping his knife on the man's neck due to the large hood he was wearing. Time to fix that. He began to roughly pull on the Sniper’s hood with the same hand he was holding his knife in (for his other one was still occupied by pinning the Sniper to the wall). This was the first time since he was pinned that the Sniper showed protest to the Spy’s actions (though it was very little).

“Wait, what are ya-“

“Oh please bushman, honestly now, I’m doing you a fav-“ The Spy, now holding the man’s hood in his hand, had a much better view of the man’s face, and stopped mid-sentence what he was about to say. To say that the man was good-looking was an understatement. The Spy took a moment to look at the Sniper’s face, and really take it all in. The man’s eyes were stunning (he was disappointed he could not see the man’s eye color due to his sunglasses), his jaw strong, and his mouth looked quite soft. He felt his face begin to grow hot.

“Mon Dieu, you…” The Spy trailed off due to his surprise, and just stared at the Sniper in awe. And for a moment they just stared at each other like that in complete and utter awe, shock, and admiration. It was then that the Sniper came up with a crazy and terrible idea. Blood began to rush to his face just thinking about it. Very slowly he leaned in closer to the Frenchman, tilted his head, closed his eyes and…

*BANG!*

The Sniper’s eyes shot open at the sound, and immediately covered his ears due to the ringing that the gunshot had caused. A headless corpse replaced where the handsome man stood previously, to the disappointment and disgust of the Sniper (but mostly disappointment). As soon as the ringing had died down, he looked at where the shot had come from, and saw the RED’s Scout standing in the doorway with an excited grin spread across his face. As he finished reloading his scattergun, he looked to the Sniper and said

“Yer welcome! Dat creep ain’t a problem thanks to who now? Dat’s right, me!” He then proceeded to point at himself in a proud and heroic manner. However his face turned into a more concerned one as he asked

“Seriously doe, you okay, Snipes? Guy had ya pinned ta a wall, and ya didn’t do nothin’ ‘bout it. Must’ve spooked ya real good, if ya weren’t even fightin’ back.” His grin returned however as he continued 

“But dats okay, dat’s why ya got me, ain’t dat right? Oh man, I told this thing was lame, Snipes!” the younger man continued, picking up the Sniper’s hood off the floor in the process.

“Even dat creep thought so if he went as far as ta tear it off of ya!” The Sniper opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, he heard

“Victory!”  
  
He then looked out the window to discover that the humiliation round had begun, and saw REDs chasing BLUs across the battle field.

“Oh man, like hell I’m gonna let ‘em have all da fun!” The Scout said as he ran out of the doorway with a malicious grin on his face to join his other teammates in the massacre. As soon as the younger man was gone, the Sniper inwardly cursed. As much as he appreciated his teammate’s genuine concern, he just had to come in at the wrong, freaking bloody moment. He sighed and recalled the enemy Spy, and just how handsome he was. He didn’t expect...this, whatever this was, to happen. Perhaps it was best for the Scout to come in when he did, or else he would’ve…aw geez, now that he thought about it, was he really going to try and kiss the man?! Not only did he know nothing about him, but they were both hired to literally murder one another. He then chuckled when he came to a realization. For years his parents had nagged him to try dating again, and absolutely no one sparked his interest. They were all nice people too, who had tried to make him feel loved. Then who is it that catches his attention? A rude, cocky, smug, handsome, murderer with the most attractive accent he's ever heard. That’s who. He sighed as he gathered his weapons and walked out of the tower.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Spy was still respawning when the humiliation round came. He slowly watched his teammates die off one by one. He wasn’t really paying too much attention to it though. His thoughts trailed off to the enemy Sniper, and his…looks. He felt his face raise in temperature at the thought of the man, and rose even higher, when he saw said man slowly leaning in. He wasn’t going to?-no, there was no way. It was such a ridiculous thought that the Spy furiously shook his head to get rid of such an idea. He closed his eyes as he felt himself respawning along with the rest of his team, as they returned to their base. Mon Dieu did he really just develop a crush on a filthy, repulsive, handsome, dreamy eyed bushman that he was paid to kill not to mention just met?

He sighed as he came to the conclusion of “Yes. Yes he did.”

He closed his eyes in defeat as he muttered to himself, “Eh bien, merde.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) If you’re wondering why Spy’s dead ringer didn’t save him from Sniper’s headshot, it’s because he didn’t have it out because he was about to kill heavy, and you can’t have the dead ringer activated in order to use any of your other weapons/devices. Same thing happened all the other times as well. :T  
> 2)There is a voice line for the administrator where she says “mission begins in twenty seconds” (warning: audio starts playing immediately just in case your reading this in a quiet place or something):  
>   
> https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/a/a5/Announcer_begins_20sec.wav?t=20100625231243
> 
> 3)Sniper’s new owl friend does have a purpose in a later chapter, she’s not just there because she’s a cutie (although that’d still be adorable :3)
> 
> 4)Only after this chapter was written did I realize that weapons/defenses were not called cosmetics. I’m sorry for doing this, but I’m gonna have to pull a “this is how it is because it’s an AU” type thing. Weapons/Defenses are now also called cosmetics because this is how it is because it’s an AU ._.
> 
> 5)You know you’re trying too hard to be edgy and cool when a Scout makes fun of you. Scout just leave the poor man alone, the Anger might be associated with douchebag players, but you gotta admit it looks pretty cool.
> 
> 6)Next update might take a little longer because guess who has finals coming up?? ;u; Also, I just read this over, and hoo boy, lemme just get some wine to go along with this cheese XD
> 
> 7) Thanks again for taking the time to read this! Please let me know if there are any errors! And like I mentioned above, next update might take awhile! Thank you!! <33


	3. Okay, Well, That Happened…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR, I'M NOT DEAD!

“Hoot?”

The Sniper awoke to the sight of an owl on his bed with him as said owl nuzzled her body into his neck.  


“Hoot?” she asked again. The Sniper smiled and pet her affectionately as he replied  


“Good morning, love. Nice to know you’re an early riser, like myself.” He scooped her into his hands, got out of bed, and then set her down again as he proceeded to get ready for the day. His mind then traveled off to the enemy Spy and his…situation. He had thought about it a bit, and decided, that the idea of him being more than purely physically attracted to someone on the other team was absolutely ridiculous. There was no way he had come to feel like that about a man he had only interacted a few minutes at best with. It was most likely just pent up sexual frustration that he was feeling. While he had found some of his current and past teammates attractive at one point or another, they weren’t exactly his type. It had been an extremely long time since he had been in such a close proximity with someone he found alluring. He decided it was probably best just to wank off, and get the whole problem out of the way. He was going to go about his day normally, and kill the enemy team just like he normally would-which included the enemy Spy. He sighed and proceeded to put his pants on when he heard an alarmed  


“Hoot!” coming from the bed. The Sniper looked over to the owl as she seemed to be almost embarrassed (if owls could become embarrassed). The Sniper thought about it for a moment and then smiled. He finished putting his pants on and then placed her on his arm.  


“Sorry ‘bout that. Probably not best for me to get dressed in front of a lady.” The owl seemed content with his answer as she slowly (so not to hurt him) climbed up to his shoulder. The Sniper smiled at her and then replied  


“How ‘bout you meet the rest of the team? I think it’s ‘bout time that they knew who else they’re living with.” The owl then gave the Sniper a skeptical  
“Hoot?” but proceeded not to fly off when the Sniper opened the door of his camper, and continued to walk towards the base.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Spy was currently in his smoking room pacing around. He had already had four glasses of wine, and smoked six cigarettes all in the last hour and a half. He had become skeptical towards the enemy Sniper. Surely he hadn’t been going to try and lean in and, as the Scout would say, “put the moves on him”, now would he? The Spy decided just two hours prior, that no, it was not possible that this man would do such a thing. So then why and make it seem like he was going to? Was it the enemy Spy? Had he somehow gotten into his file, and discovered his past attraction towards the male gender? And even if he did, why just not try and seduce him himself? Was the enemy Spy somehow blackmailing their team’s Sniper into doing his dirty work? That baguette must’ve been smarter than he first thought. But the question that was nagging him the most in the back of his mind was why did he fall for it?! Out of ALL the men he could’ve chosen, all nine mercenaries on the RED team, he chooses the one that actually succeeds in catching his attention! The worst part was that he didn’t get as to WHY this filthy bushman seemed so appealing to him! He slowly began to rub his temples as he tried to relax. The solution was to simply face reality: the bushman didn’t like him, and he didn’t like the bushman. That’s right. It was a fleeting moment of heat and attraction that had grabbed his attention. Nothing more. He was better than this. He was going to maliciously kill the enemy team- which included the Sniper- and not even bat an eyelash. Easy. Simple. Facile. He continued trying to calm his nerves as he sighed, sat down, and smoked his seventh cigarette.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“GET DAT THING AWAY FROM ME!” the Scout shrieked as he pressed his back into the wall. The Sniper was currently facing the Scout with the owl on his arm. Said owl was currently hissing at the young mercenary as it spread its wings in a threatening manner. Everyone’s eyes turned to the Scout as he continued to stare at the creature in a panicked manner. Sniper then turned his eyes away from the youngest mercenary, ignored his comment, and said to the others

“Not like she’s going to bother any of you much, but I just thought I outta tell you we have a lady living with us.” The Spy and the Scout rolled their eyes at the comment, and the Demoman, and the Heavy didn’t seem to care, but still politely listened. The Solider then examined the bird to see if it wasn’t a, as he put, “commie” (Sniper and the others just went along with Soldiers and their ridiculous accusations…it saved time), and when he was satisfied, went back to eating. However, the Pyro and the Medic were both ecstatic about the news of their new “roommate”. The pair walked closer to the Sniper to get a better look at the animal on his arm. The Pyro began to pet her gently with their big rubber gloves. At first the owl was (understandably) terrified about a stranger in a scary looking gas mask coming over to pet her, but then calmed down and even leaned into the touch as the seconds passed. The Medic however, chose to observe from a distance (“a distance” being a few inches away) and began to ask the Sniper questions.

“Herr Sniper, I did not know you had an owl! Such magnificent creatures! If I may ask, where did you get her?” Sniper guessed that the man couldn’t contain his affection and excitement for the creature, for he was soon petting her along with Pyro (although his pets where much less hurried and more calm).

“Well, that’s just it…found her in the Sniper cosmetics room.” He claimed which surprised the Medic. The Sniper then continued and said

“Poor sheila was locked up in the tiniest bloody cage I’ve ever seen…couldn’t just leave her in there.” The Medic stopped petting altogether as he claimed

“In a cage? What nonsense! I couldn’t ever imagine leaving my dear Archimedes and all her brothers and sisters in such a contraption!” At this point, the Medic took the Sniper’s hands into his (Sniper could have sworn he saw the Heavy’s eyes narrow at him just the tiniest bit in the moment, but neither of the two said anything) and continued speaking

“Herr Sniper, I cannot agree with you anymore on the matter! Keeping these magnificent creatures in cages? Bah! Nonsense! I’d be happy you keep an eye out for her whenever you’re needed elsewhere!” The Medic then dropped the other man’s hands to his sides, practically dripping with enthusiasm.  
The Sniper began to feel uneasy about the whole situation, not having much experience with social interactions. He didn’t know what to say, and silence soon followed with his teammates looking at him with an expected answer. The silence was bordering awkward.

“Yeah, and while ya two are at it, ya might as well call yerselves da ‘Bird Nerds’ or somethin’ lame like dat.” The Scout said his back no longer clinging near the wall for dear life. Sniper could care less about his sarcastic quip. He was just happy for the silence to be broken. For some reason, he then found the perfect words to reply to the doctor, as he said

“I’d like that mate, but I couldn’t trouble you with it. ‘Sides, I’m not out and about too much, and who’d look after your fancy birds when your lookin’ after me owl?” Suddenly a gloved hand was raised in the air.

“It’d be no trouble, Slim. I can do you a favor now and then…if ya’ll need it that is.” The Texan said with a lazy smile across his face. The Sniper grinned a little a bit himself as he said

“Thanks Truckie.” The Engineer visibly flushed at the nickname once more, and proceeded to look at the Sniper. However, he broke his gaze and he continued

“No problem, Slim…but why don’tcha bring her over here, so me and the little lady can get acquainted?” The Sniper agreed as he proceeded to walk around the table, over towards the short man. He then brought his arm down so that the Texan could pet the owl, when suddenly, the owl began to hiss ten times more viciously at the Engineer then she had the Scout. The Engineer and the Sniper looked at one another shocked as they continued to stare at the bird as she spread her wings out as far as she could in a deadly manner. Engie spoke first

“Well shoot” he said with a small smile creeping up on his face. “Looks like she ain’t too keen on the idea, after all Slim.” The Sniper frowned at the conclusion. He took her around the rest of the table, and the rest of the encounters ended with hissing and spread wings (although much less intense than the Scout’s and Engineer’s encounters). Medic and Pyro were the only two besides himself that she would even remotely stay calm for (mainly Pyro, but he was not going to risk any accidents that happening to her or his camper by letting Pyro watch her…specifically incidents that involved fire). In the end he said to others

“It’s quite alright, mates. I’ll just continue letting her hang around me camper…like I said, I don’t go out much.” The others seemed content with the answer as the doctor and the Pyro continued to pet the bird. After a moment, Medic spoke up again

“So, Herr Sniper, what’s the Fräulein’s name? I remember when I first got mein Archimedes and all her brothers and sisters…I had no idea what to name them! I was saving “Archemedes” for the bird that I knew would be closest to me. As soon as she landed on my shoulder covered in my victim’s blood I knew that she would be the one-“

“Well, Doc…” the Sniper began, trying to cut off the doctor as politely as possible.  
“Don’t mean to disappoint ya or nothin’ but, well…she doesn’t really have a name.” The Medic looked at the man in shock.

“Herr Sniper, I expected better out of you! Surely a creature of her beauty deserves a name just as so!” The Medic then proceeded to pet the owl again as his expression began to change. The man was thinking. His mouth then opened as he thought out loud and said

“Hmm…let us see…how about…Isocrates? Nien, nein…or perhaps…Socrates, or Plato…”

“Doc, ya want to name me owl after a toy for little ankle biters?” The Sniper asked in pure confusion.

“What? Nein! Herr Sniper, Plato was a…bah! Never mind…perhaps it is best that you pick the name, ja?”

“Well, maybe…”

“Sipsmith!” The Demoman shouted, clearly intoxicated

“Sipsmith? What kind of a lame name is dat? Naw Snipes, ya gotta name ‘er Killer or Claws or somethin’ like dat! Somethin’ cool! Also pretty damn accurate if you’re askin’ my scars…” the Scout said.

“Natasha?” The Heavy offhandedly suggested.

“Gauloises.” The Frenchman said looking in another direction, not seeming to care

“NEGATORY! ROSIE IS A PROUD AMERICAN NAME!” The Solider yelled suddenly slamming his hands into the table.

“Ira…or maybe Irene?” The Engineer suggested while he continued to stare at Sniper from across the table.

“Mmmbe mme mmmould mmmmane mmer mmmitter mmr mmmainbows!” The Pyro said enthusiastically.

“AVIAN!” The Sniper shouted suddenly on a whim. Having to hear so many people shout in his face for something as trivial and unimportant as an owl’s name was overwhelming to say the least. As a result he had said the first thing that had come to mind. He thought it hadn’t been all bad though…while it was the first thing to come to his head, he did recall that it had something to do with birds…only he couldn’t remember exactly what. He supposed he was wrong though because as soon as the word left his mouth, Medic and Engie both stated howling in laughter. He looked off to the side and saw that Heavy and Spy were lightly chuckling as well. The rest of the team, however, looked as lost as he did.

“Herr Sniper, you want to name your bird…’bird’?” The Medic asked with an amused grin spread on his face. Shit. That’s right now he remembered. “Avian” was just another word for bird. Well, no turning back now he supposed. The bird in question looked up at the Sniper. Her expression seemed to ask “Do you know what you’re doing?” The Sniper looked at her for a few moments but then turned to his teammates as he said

“Yeah, so? I’ll call me owl whatever I want to.” The Sniper stated matter of factly as he crossed his arms over his chest, although his face was flushed red from embarrassment. The Medic’s cackling had turned into light chuckles as he resumed petting and looking at Avian and said 

“Well I supposed it is only fair. She is yours after all…I cannot tell you otherwise.” The Sniper took the opportunity to say to the other man

“Bloody right ya can’t Doc…wanted me to name her after Silly Putty…” The Medic’s petting ceased as he looked at the bushman with an annoyed glare.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

“Mission begins in sixty seconds”

The Spy was currently standing in the middle of the respawn room along with the rest of his teammates waiting for the match to begin. Today he decided to stick with his regular knife, and try out the “cloak and dagger” watch. However, he was a bit nervous which was a bit unsettling due to it being so out of character for him. He had decided that his first order of business would be to kill the enemy Sniper in order to rid this little problem of his. It would be done quick and easy, like ripping off a bandage. After that, he planned to track down his counterpart so he could interrogate him…he was going to make him pay for rummaging through his files.

“Mission begins in ten seconds”

There was no more time to think with the match about to begin. He had to focus on his job.

“Five…four…three…two…one…begin!”

He had hung back in respawn a few moments after his teammates had already ran out ahead of him. He had learned very quickly that when you stepped out of those doors, you were most likely to get your head blown off in no more than two seconds. Flicking open his disguise kit, he settled on the enemy Solider, activated his watch, and walked out of respawn. He very slowly walked over to the RED Sniper’s tower, invisible, as he calmly passed all the splattered blood and rubble. He had stopped for he had arrived at the Sniper’s tower. He began to walk up the familiar steps.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The Sniper was currently hunched over sitting on one of the crates in the tower room. He had equipped the same weapons as he did the first match and along with his hood. However, as he heard approaching footsteps, his heart rate doubled as he grabbed his kukri, and turned his head towards the door.

“Who’s there?” he asked in a threatening manner.

On the other side of the door, a loud voice replied 

“Private! You will open this door for your commanding officer!” The Sniper rolled his eyes. It was only Solider. He obliged and opened the door for the older man, who stepped in quite quickly.

“What the bloody hell are doing up here, mate?” The Sniper asked, exasperated. The Solider replied  
“Taking cover from that cyclops! That persistent maggot wouldn’t let me get through to the enemy base!” The Sniper didn’t respond as he simply turned back towards the window and proceeded to work. The ‘Solider’ looked over his shoulder with curiosity just in time to witness the bushman snipe the enemy Demo. The ‘Solider’ rolled his eyes.

“Son, just what do you think you’re doing?” he asked the sharpshooter, looking a little bored. Sniper stared at the man in disbelief.

“What, are ya, bloody blind? That Demo was setting up stickie traps! Obviously gonna stop ‘em!” he said. The ‘Solider’ then rolled his eyes again (the bushman could tell since he was sitting down on the crate and looking up at the other man and had a full view of him) and said

“Maggot, those stickies were just a distraction!” The Sniper gave him a confused look as he then asked

“A distraction? A bloody distraction for what?!”

“The sentry, private! That sorry excuse for an engineer sets up his sentry, just so, that its view is tilted ever so slightly that it can see us, and by the time we see it, we’re off to respawn! What would you rather sacrifice, maggot? Some stickies, and a quick trip to respawn, or a machine you KNOW will be protecting your ass for the majority of the match and takes three times as long to build as it does to set up stickies?” The ‘Solider’ exclaimed, raising his voice slightly. The Sniper stared in disbelief as he realized that he was in fact, NOT talking to his ally. He took a few beats to stare down at the floor and curse to himself before he grabbed his kukri, and pinned the ‘Solider’ to the wall and stabbed the man in the shoulder, thus causing the disguise to flicker away. However, as soon as the disguise fell, the Sniper became extremely flustered. Just, WHAT the bloody hell was going on?! He had already wanked off before the match started, and thus the problem should’ve been done, and out of the way. However, before he could dwell on the thought any longer, the Spy spoke up.

“Que se passe-t-il?! What gave it away?!”the Spy asked genuinely frustrated. The Sniper managed to regain some of his common sense as he replied

“Honestly, do you really think a Solider would understand strategy? Bloody lunatic just runs in guns blazing, over and over again until it works. Try hardhat next time if you’re gonna talk strategy. In short, you’re too smart to play Solider, mate.” As soon as the words left the Sniper’s mouth, he inwardly cursed. Why did he just say that? Why in the WORLD would he compliment the man he has pinned to the wall, who wants nothing more than to kill him? However, it was then the Spy’s turn to curse at himself as he replied to the bushman saying

“Moi? Smart? Monsieur, you flatter me…” and gave him a slightly flirty look. Why did he do that? Why on EARTH did he do that?! He was currently cursing at himself. The Sniper, however, felt blood rush to his face once more, but then cleared his throat as he replied in a slightly quieter and almost shy tone  


“Well, talking about sentry placement and decoys ain’t exactly something a Scout or a Solider might talk about…so yeah, that’s pretty smart for a bloke like yourself to say…” He then looked away in embarrassment. The Spy’s own face didn’t turn any less red as he was silent for a few beats, gathering his own thoughts. But then he spoke up and informed the Sniper

“It is not an…uncommon, thing for an engineer to do…I didn’t think I was giving away any big secret monsieur, considering that almost every engineer I’ve fought with or against has done it.” The Sniper then made a mental note in the back of his head to ask Engie about it later. The room was quiet for a moment as the two mercenaries were currently lost in their thoughts. Sniper’s being if engineers did do that before and if he had just never noticed and Spy’s being ‘Mon Dieu, I have to get out of this man’s grasp before I do something I regret…’ The Sniper’s thoughts were interrupted when the Spy suddenly took advantage of the other mercenary’s distraction and pulled his hand away. He then flipped open his knife and was about to pierce it through the man’s throat when he noticed that he was wearing the same hood prior. He flipped their positions and pinned the Sniper to the wall and tore the hood off of the other man. He began experiencing some major déjà vu. They both stood there out of breathe and panting in silence from their tussle. The Sniper’s hood was currently in the other man’s hands as the man in question had now pressed his knife to the RED’s throat. They both stared at each other, both sensing the tension for their bodies were almost pressing close together, merely inches away. They stood there, not moving, for a few beats. The Spy broke the spell as he looked him directly in the eyes told the Sniper in an extremely quiet voice  


“Lose the hood…you look better without it.” And then proceeded to slash his knife across the other’s neck. The last thing the Sniper saw while looking up was the Spy's, infuriatingly handsome and smug face as he faded in nothingness.  


However, Sniper never did wear his hood again.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

The first thought that came to the RED’s mind when he stepped out of respawn was that he was going to show that bloody spy just who was boss. Not only was he going get a higher score than him on the board, but he was going to dominate him. Sniper walked down the stairs of the top floor, to the front of the base building, and saw Engie working on his dispenser. And maybe it was his imagination, but Truckie seemed to smile a little bit wider when he saw the other man walk up to him.  


“Ey, Truckie!” Sniper began “It alright if I station myself by your stuff here for a bit?” The Engineer’s smile seemed to falter a bit as he took his wrench in his hand, and poked the Sniper’s arm with it. However, when the motion was over, his smile returned as he said  


“Sure thing, Slim…but if ya’ll don’t mind me askin’ just what makes ya so eager to park near my gear? Hope ya’ll didn’t come just to see me.” The Engineer laughed. The Sniper noticed the man’s tone shift a bit on the last part of the statement, but didn’t think it was a big deal. Instead, he smiled at the other RED and said

“Nah. The tower’s just a bit…predictable, is all. Don’t want to corner myself incase BLU’s bloke snipes me, or if their…spy…comes sniffing around.” The Engineer noted the red in the other’s cheeks, and how his voice seemed to caress the word ‘spy’. He paused, giving the other a curious look, before replying  


“Well alright then…but don’t think this means I’ll be babysitting your ass, ya hear that, mister?” Engie said in a playful manner. The Sniper only gave a thumbs up as he smiled and nodded. He stood next to Engie’s sentry, and out of the corner of his eye saw the man walk back into the base for more metal (for his dispenser was all out due to Pyro, Sniper, himself, and occasionally Solly crowding around it, despite being level 3) with Pyro skipping happily behind. He placed his eye up to his scope and began working his magic. However, before any action could happen, his mind trailed off to the enemy spy and his smug, evil, cocky, attractive, face. He growled to himself, but before his thoughts ran off any further, he spotted the enemy Solider in his sights. And that’s when the magic began.  


This man was known as RED’s best. Sure he had a slow couple days to start out with, but he was RED’s best for a reason. While most snipers could rack up about five kills in an hour, he was known to rack up ten in thirty minutes. So it was no surprised when a loud *BANG!* screamed through the skies and along with it, a real screamed came pouring off the Soldier’s lips as his lifeless body fell to the ground.

“Take that! Ya…”

He spotted the enemy demo. *BANG!*

“…one-eyed, bomb lobbin’…

The BLU’s engie came trotting about…*BANG!*

“…cactus eatin’…”

BLU’s heavy came slowly running towards their base. *BANG!*

“…potbellied, fat jiggly whoppin’…”

Their pyro came trotting out behind him. *BANG!*

“…creepy…”

The enemy Scout came charging at him…big mistake. *BANG!*

“…spastic little…”

“He noticed a blue dot coming to make contact with his forehead. ‘Too slow.’ He thought. *BANG!*

“…blind-eyed…”

BLU’s medic came out looking for the heavy only to find it lifeless on the ground. *BANG!*

“…blubberin’ quack…HOLY DOOLY!” The Sniper looked about the field to find that the entire enemy team had been maliciously wiped out…well almost the whole team. The Spook was still out there and maybe, possibly, somewhat the Sniper was kind of hoping that he had witnessed the amazing feat he had just done. Just a little. To show him just who he’s messing with, of course! There was absolutely no other alternative motive at all whatsoever. Nope, not at all. He was NOT hoping to impress-

“TEAM WIPE! YOU’VE KILLED THEM ALL!”

…oh. The Spy was most likely dead during his amazing performance. He waited a few more moments before deciding to trudge back up to his tower, and wait out the rest of the match there. He wasn’t disappointed. Not at all.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

Spy was currently secretly seated upon the RED’s Engineer’s dispenser, as he watched the man in question along with the Pyro head inside the enemy base. ‘Good riddance’ he thought to himself while giving them a sneer. He was about to get off the dispenser and sap it, along with the sentry, when all of the sudden he heard a quiet low laugh that made his heart speed up just a bit faster. He turned so he was sitting towards the other direction when he saw the enemy Sniper with his face buried in his scope. His eyes grew the tiniest bit wider as his eyebrows shot up and as cheeks were dusted the tiniest of red. He decided to sit and watch for a bit. He had ended up seeing everything. He saw how the enemy Sniper skillfully wiped out his entire team right before his eyes and saw him smile his stupidly attractive smile. Damn his handsome horse face. He saw the glint in his eyes are he pulled the trigger, and how his smile seemed to grow wider every time he gained a new kill. The Spy could for sure say that he never wanted to kiss someone so badly in his entire time of being alive…which was saying quite a bit since he had met TONS of attractive men while on the job. The Spy had just witnessed the Sniper snipe BLU’s medic, and planned to continue his secret admiring and staring when all of the sudden…*WHAM!*  


He felt an intensely sharp pain in the back of his head. He had turned around, and the last thing he saw was the enemy Engineer glaring down at him, with his wrench in his hand. Everything had gone black after that, but he woke up in respawn not too many moments later. He began rubbing his head, trying to remedy the pain, when he saw every single one of his teammates in the room with him...they hadn’t wasted another moment, (unlike him), and all rushed out the door. He stared at the wall, for confirmation, as if it was going to give him an answer. Had the Sniper really just single handedly taken out their entire team? That was positively…positively…what’s that word the Scout would use? He began to think to himself and then remembered it. He then proceeded to put a gloved hand to his face and mumble to himself in an extremely embarrassed tone  


“ ‘hot’…as the boy would put it…” He hadn’t noticed the Pyro had again respawned. They proceeded to look at him for a moment, and tilted their head at the Spy in a curious manner. The Spy began to feel blood rush to his face as he activated his watch, cloaked, and rushed out of the respawn room in embarrassment.

★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

At the end of the day, the match went to RED, and both the Sniper and the Spy’s minds drifted to one another. They both became frustrated with their minds becoming occupied with nothing else but the other. The Sniper had nailed it down to horniness, and had simply miscalculated just how much he was in need for the touch of another. The Spy, however, was making a bit more progress than the Sniper. He had, in fact admitted that he found the Sniper to be physically attractive, but that was it. Nothing more. He was currently in his smoking room trying to come up with a new way to remedy his problem, while the Sniper was trying to do the same in his van. In the end, they gave up, sighed and decided to call it a night. They’d figure this whole…whatever it was…out in the morning. They both then turned off their respective sources of light, and went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Hey guys! I'm so sorry that this got away from me, but I've dealing with some personal things, so there isn't really a planned schedule for this anymore :( But don't worry, I still plan to finish it!
> 
> 2) This entire chapter was inspired by this:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHNFYgPPRLY&index=1&list=PLPAdgPbKRdQeKaaWdQOF00U4PLgu-5cgy
> 
> 3) You get a virtual hug if you catch why Avian is named Avian ;) SHOUT OUT TO THE TF2 TUMBLR FANDOM HERE, YA'LL!!
> 
> 4) This is unbetaed, so I'm so sorry for any spelling errors! Also, this is unfortunately a few words short of 5,000 which is how long I try to make each chapter. Please do not hesitate to inform me if there are any grammatical errors!


End file.
